House on Haunted Hill (William Malone, 1999): USA

Reviewed by William Conlin. Viewed on DVD.

With Halloween rapidly approaching I found myself wanting to watch a good horror movie. I thought back to when I was 12 years old and remembered seeing a movie that was really scary at the time. With that in mind, I decided to watch the remake of Vincent Price’s classic ghost story House on Haunted Hill again… Sadly, that was a terrible mistake.

House on Haunted Hill presents us with a millionaire, his cutthroat trophy wife, the manic owner of a haunted house and five unassuming strangers trapped in an abandoned psychiatric hospital turned haunted mansion. The millionaire (Geoffrey Price) tells each person that if they survive the night, they will be awarded $1,000,000. Each accepts but when the guests start dying one by one, they begin to wonder if any of them will live to see the money.

This movie disappointed me on so many levels. I could see why it scared me as a child but no more than halfway through I was already laughing at the poor style and filmmaking. This film pulls out all the stops with clichés but still manages to fall short. Whether it’s Dick Beebe’s mangled screenplay or William Malone’s manic direction, I don’t know, but the one thing that for certain is I left this film with a sour taste in my mouth.

The bright spot of the film comes from its talented group of performers. Geoffrey Rush and Famke Janssen are great as bickering blue bloods and Ali Larter and Taye Diggs are well placed as the guests who get more than they bargained for. The only person who appears out of place is Saturday Night Live comedian Chris Kattan, whose eccentric portrayal of the home’s owner leaves viewers laughing when they should be trembling.

Though this film certainly fulfills a person’s expected horror movie bloodlust, it fails to truly give you the thrills you hope for when watching a great horror film. My verdict is pass.