Accident (Pou-Soi Cheang, 2009): China

Reviewed by Jason Patton at The Santa Barbara International Film Festival.

After waiting in line for over an hour to see the much talked about Accident, it left me a little disappointed. It was marketed as the next Internal Affairs, yet it never seemed to give off the vibe of cinematic excellence. I’ll sum it up for you with an abridged script and you can make up your own mind…

BRAINS

I think we should be hitmen and make it look like an accident so we don’t get caught.

UNCLE

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

GIRL

You’re old. I bet you screw us over because old people lose their minds.

UNCLE

That would be way too predictable and… hey, did I leave forget to do my job during one accident?

Uncle is seen carrying balloons to a motel. This is not his job, unless he’s now working for a delivery service.

FATTY

You did. And now I’m dying in the rain because a bus hit me.

BRAINS

It was aiming for me, what are you worried about?

Fatty dies. Brains moves to a new apartment complex, where a shady business executive appears to be plotting against the accident team.

BRAINS

I bet he’s been hired to kill all of us. I guess I better rent the apartment next to him and spy on him and draw his apartment floorplan with crayon on my ceiling.

UNCLE

I thought I was supposed to be going crazy.

GIRL

Why am I getting less screen time? Maybe if I pick up a large sum of money in a precariously empty parking garage where Brains in spying on me, we’ll get into an argument and he’ll kill me.

This happens. Exactly like she said it would. Now we have two crazy characters remaining.

BRAINS

I wonder what Uncle is doing these days…

UNCLE

I’m accidentally overdosing on my medication because I’m forgetting I’m taking it.

Uncle ends up in the hospital.

BRAINS

I bet it was the shady executive. Clearly that was the explanation for why Uncle ended up in the hospital.

SHADY EXECUTIVE

I don’t have lines. I get watched through a window and have sex with my wife. Gosh, I love her. I hope she doesn’t die.

BRAINS

I should kill the shady executive’s wife. That’ll get my revenge.

And really the plot just gets sillier. This movie wasn’t shot particularly well and wasn’t as thrilling as a sold-out theatre had anticipated. If this film was meant to meet the caliber of Internal Affairs, critics may want to reexamine what it takes to make a proper mystery overseas.